Writing Notes: Why I Can't Write Short Stories

I've become convinced that unless I can learn to write short stories, I will never be a really good writer. I've heard that writing a novel is supposed to be hard, and I agree, but I find writing short stories twice as difficult. And it's not because I can't say things in few words. It's simply because I can't light on any ideas. Due to the Theory of Creativity, I'm obsessed with ideas that are totally unique. I've got plenty of those for full-length novels, but I've never been able to come up with any for shorter works. All my ideas need so much room to move around. I've never been able to think of a really brilliant plot that can have justice done to it in under 5,000 or even 10,000 words. And until I do, I can't really be a writer. 
The thing about short stories is that they take place in a very brief space of time (usually). You have fewer conflicts, fewer plot elements, and a narrower plot arc in them. And in order to stand out from the plethora of other short stories by other authors, they have to be Epic. 
I'm a novelist. I write extensive books with huge plots and many conflicts. I don't know how to write a really good short story. But I should. I could learn how, if only I could get any ideas. Despite the millions of ideas I have all the time, I've never been able to find one that Works.

Writing Notes: Why Authorities Worry About Young Writers

'No, Ma'am, I didn't do my homework: but I wrote three chapters of my spy thriller and I just got the hero out of the villain's clutches and I have this brilliant part that I'm can't wait to get to where the girl goes and --'

If you're a writer, it's hard enough to get anyone to understand you.  If you're a young writer, it's doubly hard, because we are supposed to be focusing on more important things -- on school, on work, on sports, on impressive things like that; things that will get us places in the world. When it comes to parents, teachers, and other authority figures, it's worse. Anyone who isn't a writer simply can't understand what's so wildly wonderful about sitting in front of Word and typing for hours on end. After all, we could be out playing basketball, or studying for that exam next week, or doing some chores, for goodness sake. Or, as it happens for me, just doing one of the million and ten things that always need to be done and are really important things to do. So why are we just sitting here on the sofa typing?

They just don't get it. Usually, they mean well. When you're sitting in front of a computer, you don't really look like you're doing anything. I'm pretty sure that computer programmers, cyber-security specialists, web designers, and people like that are also misunderstood before they start getting paid to do what they do. But writers seem to get it worse, because, honestly, what are we doing? Writing. What's so great about that?

The people who complain are often people who care about where we're going. They want us to succeed. That's why they nag us to do something. Often, they think it's wonderful that we write and they loudly tell us we should get our books published. But still, they don't understand. It doesn't work like that. 

'I'm probably not going to publish this book.'

'Why not? It's great.'

'Actually, it kind of sucks.'

'Then why on earth are you writing it?'

The million dollar question. Why am I writing this junk? I'm a teenager. This stuff is trash. Why don't I wait until I'm twenty-something, when I've been through college, have a major in creative writing, or something like that? 

Kit Reed wrote in her book Mastering Fiction Writing: 

'You're going to have to write a lot of [trash] in your life before you write anything good, so you might as well get started.'

There's nothing I believe more firmly. I've been writing for eight years. I've written a lot of trash. A lot of trash. A whole lot of trash. Out of eight years' writing, I have maybe one completed book that I actually consider OK, and still I know that it is lacking in a lot of art -- it's just the essentials that I like. (And the fact that it's done.) It's enough to discourage you. It definitely discourages all those people who see you slogging away, day after day, skipping your assignments, getting no exercise. They look at you and they say 'what's the use? Why are you doing this?'

It's easy to get annoyed at them for not understanding. But it's also easy just to explain. 

'I'm working on the next Harry Potter series. I'll give you a signed copy when it's done.'

If either of us is still alive.

Getting to Know You: Creating Fictional Characters that Click

I call it the Click: that moment when a character in a book, whether one you are reading or one you are writing, comes to life and discloses himself as a true, living, thinking human being. Blake Snyder, screenwriter, author, and, in my opinion, greatest guru of plot, touched on it in his widely popular and immensely successful book Save the Cat!, when he defined the literary tool which gave his book its title. He describes 'saving the cat' or, alternately, 'the save-the-cat moment' as the point (usually a single event) in a film when the audience discovers why it is rooting for the hero. It is the moment when we see that small spark of humanity that, innately, we all have. Snyder says that it is always there, in every good film, whether it is the instant when the Viking chooses not to slay the dragon, or when the political activist stops his coach to protect an abused horse. The truth of this is evidenced not only by philosophic sense but by the fact that Snyder was one of the most popular writers and teachers on screenwriting in the entire film industry before he died. But we are looking at fiction, and although saving the cat is an important element in novel-writing especially, there is much more to crafting a character than that.

The necessity of creating truly human characters is profoundly serious. All the best novels are loved not primarily for their epic plots, not for their beautiful language, but rather for the humanity and reality of the characters who inhabit them. Take Gone With the Wind, think of the round realness of Scarlett O'Hara. Or A Tale of Two Cities, and the depth of Sydney Carton's struggles. We don't like J. K. Rowling's hugely successful series because of its brilliant writing style, but because we love Harry Potter. We don't continue to churn out fan-fiction after the style of Ian Fleming because of his great philosophical genius, but because we are fascinated by James Bond. Think of any popular series and it is the character, almost always, that makes us read the next book. People of Dickens' era and before tended to capitalise on this magnetism of the hero by naming their books after the main protagonist. Nicholas Nickleby or Anna Karenina comes to mind.
Realising this, the writer's job becomes even harder. It's difficult enough to create the other aspects of a novel as they should be, but to create humanity, to bring life onto paper, must be the hardest proposition yet. I am faced with this overawing obstacle, and worse than that, I hardly even know what it is about the great characters of the past that makes them so intensely alive. What is the essence of the Click? What are the principal elements that make us want the hero or heroine to win out? I am still discovering, but I've been able to pinpoint a few useful aspects.

• Purpose

It may be obvious. That is why I have it first. But the character MUST, absolutely must, be there for a reason. A reason other than your story, something outside of that. He isn't there to do all the things a hero is supposed to do in a story. He's there for something else, to show your reader the one overarching thing you are trying to say in your book. Make his conflicts happen for a reason. Some time I intend to write a treatise on point, because it is one of the most important things that a story needs. Make your character have a point. Make him be there for a reason. That isn't to say that you must attach a little 'and the moral of that is. . .' to the end of your book. But your readers want to get something from reading your book; a different view of the world, a different view of human nature. We don't need a revelation, we just need to see that the story and the character happened on Purpose and got where they were going.

Make your character and your story have a reason to exist.

• Wants and Desires

Perhaps the most common advice you'll find on writing characters is to make him want something. The maxim bears repeating, because it could well be the one most important thing about really good characterisations. The hero or heroine must be after something. He could be after several somethings, but he must have an active desire to pursue. He may want to go to the moon, and will take steps to get there, by signing up for an astronaut training camp, perhaps. He may want to do nothing at all, but he will still take steps to satisfy that dream, possibly by locking his bedroom door against all intruders and lying down on the bed. Wants and Desires are not only the foundation for everything that your character does in the story, but they are also the groundwork for most of his conflicts. In other words, Wants and Desires are where the story starts. There are different levels of desire, and the best stories involve all ranks. Needs fall into the category of Wants and Desires as well. In fiction, a hero may want to survive, but he doesn't need to. (Insert evil laughter.) 

Make your character want something and actively pursue that want.

• Obstacles and Conflicts

All human beings have Obstacles to attaining what they really want. In fiction they can be anything from alligators in the hero's bathtub to evil uncles who arrange marriages between innocent princesses and dastardly knaves. Whatever they are, they get directly in the way of what the hero wants. The kind of Obstacles he encounters are just as important as how he reacts to them. Javert in Les Miserables is a constant obstacle to Jean Valjean because of the mistake Valjean made in the past, and yet Valjean eventually refuses to kill him when he has the chance. Those two aspects of Valjean's character are made more real by his conflict with Javert. 

Most Conflicts arise from obstacles that are set in the hero's way. How the hero or heroine deals with Conflict is another part of who he is. He must have Conflicts, no matter what. It doesn't matter if it is Conflict with an alligator or with an evil uncle. But Conflict is the most inherently human thing about a character, second to Wants and Desires, and it is where story comes from. You will hear this advice often as well, because it is true. 

Make the Obstacles and Conflicts in the story enhance the reader's view of the character.

• Doubts and Weaknesses

Perhaps you were expecting me to say Strengths and Weaknesses. But strengths aren't nearly as important in fiction as Doubts, as far as the Click is concerned. This isn't the age of Superman. Beyond some super-special-effects, computer-graphics movies, superheroes aren't all that in. They certainly never appear in works of literary merit. People honestly care more about what your hero or heroine can't do than what he or she can. They're more drawn in by what he's afraid of than by what he never blinks at. Your character may have to climb an impossible cliff on a Mediterranean island and destroy the Nazi outpost; that's the story. But add to that the fact that he's afraid of heights -- not just heights, but everything, he's just deathly afraid of the world -- and you have humanity and art together. Suddenly we want him to win. We want him to innately, not because we admire his weakness, or even pity it, but because we understand it. Because if we were there we would want to win. And we can imagine ourselves there. But Doubts and Weaknesses serve another purpose, and that is to present more obstacles to the hero's path. The plot is greatly internalised when you make the hero fighting against himself. When the hero internalises it, the reader internalises it. Suddenly it becomes deeper and more magnetic. It starts to Click.
Make the character's internal Doubts and Weaknesses be important enemies.

• True Humanity

One form of 'saving the cat,' True Humanity is the aspect of a hero or heroine's character that tells us they aren't humanoid robots, that they have a heart and soul beneath however crusty an exterior. Doubts and Weaknesses can be this True Humanity, but it could also be something more positive -- like a heroine who heals wounded animals, or a teenager who is polite even when he doesn't want to be. The greatest characters have a good side to them. There are very few bad-to-the-bone heroes, and none who can really pull it off. The main character has to have something in him that we can admire. Sherlock Holmes may be a cocaine addict and an arrogant sort of genius, but he is willing to help anyone with a mystery.

Make the character appeal to our better nature.

• Unique Nature

I could spend an eternity on this one, because it is one of my personal favourite tools to use. Everyone has his quirks. As I have created various kinds of people, of different nationalities, the most fun I have is making them have something strange about them. This is similar to Blake Snyder's 'Limp and an Eye Patch,' but not exactly like it. In one story I hope to write eventually, I have a particularly shrimpy, skateboarding boy who is destined to succeed his uncle as dictator, but although main characters need something different about them more than others, minor characters benefit from quirks as well. In Royal Opposition, I have a tertiary character who is an amateur food critic and likes Aston Villa. I had a secondary character who rode motorcycles and looked like a popular opera singer, but he accidentally became one of the chief antagonists. That is what happens when you give characters specialness. They become more real, and more important. Do something unusual with your characters. Something new. There are millions of things that aren't done -- and according to the Theory of Creativity (to be discussed in a later post), that's one of the most important things to writing. Try a pool shark. Try a World Ten-Ball Competition winner. How about join the new craze of 'World's Only Teens' (think teen spy, teen lawyer, etc.) and make the world's only teen-aged mortician?

Make the character be something a little bit different.

• Religion and Belief

Closely tied in to Wants and Desires, Religion and Belief is what dictates what the character does at certain times. It is also called worldview by some people. Whatever you choose to call it, it is very important. Although you don't have to directly address it, it is important to know what your character believes about his fellow people and the world around him. It will tell you why he wants what he wants, and exactly how far he is going to go to get it. I'm not saying that you have to know whether your character is a Buddhist or an Atheist, but you must know what he believes about the world. (There are inconsistencies in many religions, so what a character believes about God does not always translate to what he believes about himself and his fellow humans.) This is an important aspect in making him Real, but it also serves another purpose. It is what drives him -- essentially, the deepest part of his nature, even below his Wants and Desires. You don't have to determine what Religion your character subscribes to, but you must give him something to Believe in. This is something internal and mysterious and powerful that we can relate to and, often, admire.  Make the character have something to Believe in.

• Time and Place

In the world you've created, the hero isn't in because you want him, but because he wants or someone else wants him. He may not even like being there, but he must have ulterior motives for being there. I might use Gerald Kerring, introduced in a previous post, for an example. He is in Roaldavia because he's the King's grandson, and can't really be anywhere else. He might rather be in a neighbouring country where people generally let him do what he wants, but he's there because of his own choice, or the choice of another character, not because of mine. There can be no haphazardness about setting and character, they go hand-in-hand, and a character must always have a reason, a real, deep-down, authentic reason for being where he is. Why is your little girl a native of Miami? There has to be a bigger reason than the fact that you have never set a story there before. There must be a distinct, internal connection between where the story is taking Place and who the character is; how he thinks, acts, or feels about himself or the people and world around him. Lord Jim, in the book by Joseph Conrad, runs around Asia and ends up on the isolated island settlement of Patusan because he is running away from his past and the reputation one single action has forever given him. Gerald Kerring's connection to Roaldavia plays an important role in his attempts to define himself by something other than a title.
There is also the question of Time. Some of us have read books set in a particular time period that might as well have been set now. Some of us may have even read books set now that should have been set in the Cold War. The hero must connect with his Place in Time as well as his Place in setting. Perhaps a war is part of conflict. Perhaps, like in Around the World in Eighty Days, the conflict wouldn't have been a conflict in modern days. Don't put him out of place because you like the clothes or the way of talking.

Make where and when the story happens tie directly into who the character is.

Best Heroes in Literature

This is not a comprehensive list -- these are basically my favourites (and I am an incurable bookworm with a taste for heroic heroes).  I hope for suggestions and welcome input. I'm sorry there are no heroines yet. I'll try to get to them. 
Obviously, this list is a little arbitrary. I am not nearly as extensively read as I should like to be. But these are, essentially, either my favourites or ones that would be if I had any sense. In an original version of this post, I included historical characters, but as this is mostly a fiction blog, I have revised some.

24. Harry Feversham (A. E. W. Mason)
However little I like the book The Four Feathers, I did very much like Harry Feversham, the coward who proves himself to his lady love. He commits great acts of bravery and has many adventures, and it isn't his fault that the plot of the book is entirely wrong. (Note: this is one occasion when the film is better than the book.)

23. Robin Hood (Various)
I never cared much for Robin Hood, but he is famous and a helper of the poor and downtrodden, thereby demonstrating some amount of greatness. 

22. David Balfour (Robert Louis Stevenson)
From the great adventure story Kidnapped, David Balfour is a fine sort of hero who has many adventures and a good amount of moral fortitude. Even if he was tutored by a Campbell . . .

21. Nicholas Nickleby (Charles Dickens)
Now, if I went about putting all the great Dickens heroes on, I would have a very long list; but I have warned that I will be arbitrary. Nicholas Nickleby is a very endearing sort of person who saves abused half-wits, has an evil uncle and an innocent sister, and has to aid maidens in distress. A very excellent combination for a hero, and O! when he caned Wackford Squires the reader's heart leapt for satisfaction!

20. James Bond (Ian Fleming)
Most people like James Bond, I am told, and  he does have the advantage of being the most famous spy in literature and therefore I will allow him these bragging rights. He does have good taste in automatics -- though I would have gone for the Sauer.

19. Samwise Gamgee (J. R. R. Tolkein)
I am not personally attracted to Sam; in my own opinion, Peregrin Took is a more likeable character, or Imrahil of Dol Amroth. But too many people like the son of Hamfast, and so, bowing to popular opinion, I let him stay. He is the person who forces the Ringbearer on to do his daring deed, and the one who saves him at all the many times when he can't do it himself. I fully agree that Samwise is more heroic than Frodo -- still it wasn't he who destroyed the ring (which, for all I could see, was the entire point of the story). By the laws of literature, then, Smeagol would be the hero of The Lord of the Rings -- is that uproar I hear in the distance??

18. Jeeves (P. G. Wodehouse)
You may kick to find him so high up -- I am sorry, but though Jeeves is essential, he isn't so much the heroic type. Still, he is a save-the-day-er, and he is ranked as one of the  '100 Best Characters Since 1900' . Some of us may have better reasons to object to him than Piers Morgan's -- however, few can deny his eternal, impersonal charm.

17. Beowulf (Anonymous)
The famous hero of one of the oldest adventure stories in the English (so-called) language is the epic example of the monster-slayer.

16. Atticus Finch (Harper Lee)
From To Kill A Mockingbird. The heroic lawyer who charmed the world. That's all that needs to be said, isn't it?

15. Sir Gawain (Anonymous)
Famous for his fight with the Green Knight, Sir Gawain is a moral, brave, and very principled knight.

14. Fitzwilliam Darcy (Jane Austen)
I didn't want to put him this high up, but someone has to be. We all know the fantastic hero of Pride and Prejudice -- but I think I must admit that Colin Firth's spectacular portrayal of him is what really endears him to our hearts.

13. Odysseus (Homer)
The hero of The Odyssy, Odysseus, has many, if violent, adventures -- perhaps his character is lacking in some ways, but he is certainly a famous hero. 

12. Prince Florizel of Bohemia (Robert Louis Stevenson)
Perhaps it is because he is a prince, or perhaps it is for more admirable reasons entirely, but this noble 'detective' (from The Rajah's Diamond and The Suicide Club) is quite an impressive hero.  He startled me when we first met -- I believe he belongs on this list.


11. Horne Fisher (G. K. Chesterton)
Don't feel bad if you've never heard of him -- but the super-intelligent hero of The Man  Who Knew Too Much is the best amateur detective in all of detective literature.  Cool, over-informed, politically knowledgeable, and good at heart, he beats Holmes and even Father Brown without even trying. 


10. Phileas Fogg (Jules Verne)

Appearing in Around the World in Eighty Days, Phileas Fogg is taciturn, very English, and fascinatingly impersonal. He is also brave, determined, and an unlikely romantic interest. 

9. Rupert Psmith (P.G. Wodehouse)

I hate to relegate anyone to the 'middle-distance', as Psmith would say himself, just for the fact that no one knows who he is. Still, I feel it is my duty to do it -- although I owe a great deal to the main character of Psmith in the City et al. Perhaps we have all heard of Bertie Wooster, but it is Psmith 'the Worker', the socialistic, the verbose, and the intensely charismatic, that marks the pinnacle of Wodehouse's prowess. In the American phraseology 'Ya gotta luvim.'

8. Keith Mallory (Alistair MacLean)

Although a personal favourite, the protagonist of the magnificent thriller The Guns of Navarone is less widely known -- and certainly Gregory Peck's interpretation in the film does not do him justice. The staid and stolid New Zealander is as brave as he is responsible, as reluctant to kill as he is determined to fulfill his mission. And he is a famous mountain climber, which adds to his charm.

7, Lord Jim (Joseph Conrad)

From the book by the same title, Jim is a very gripping sort of hero; one with whom all of us can identify, and one who makes the reader pause and examine himself. In my personal opinion, he rivals Sydney Carton -- indeed, the final two pages of the book are as vividly beautiful as the last chapter of A Tale of Two Cities.The book is also amazingly written, which is part of the reason Jim is so personal and the ultimate climax so powerful.

6. Jean Valjean (Victor Hugo)
One cannot deny either Valjean's fame or versatility -- surviving one's own funeral is rather a feat. He is also the epic example of a forgiving soul, and as adventuresome a role model as he is a compassionate. I have loved him since I met him when I was fifteen.

5. Hamlet, Prince of Denmark (William Shakespeare)

I have no qualms about dismissing Hamlet to the stratosphere -- being though he is the most famous on this list, he is also the least heroic. Still, he is a hero, and a richly colourful one at that, and my first love from Shakespeare. Therefore, he appears. Besides, he fences wonderfully. And he pays for his morbid/maniacal tendencies.

4. Sir Percy Blakeney (Emuska Orczy)

A definite hero of the highest breed (and highest title), the Scarlet Pimpernel is a fabulous actor and extremely unselfish sort of baronet. Any Englishman who is willing to have the world think him a fop in order to save a few French nobles must be revered.

3. Tintin (Herge)

Say I am a fanatic. Say I am unfair. Say that he isn't literature. I defy you. Tintin is a marvelous hero: he has a small dog, he wears those funny golfing trousers, he has twice the fun of Indiana Jones and James Bond, he is only in his teens, he's a humanitarian, and he says 'Great Snakes' and 'Crumbs'. What is there not to admire? 

2. Sydney Carton (Charles Dickens)

Perhaps he should be first -- I will let you argue with me. Even if he is a dissipated old souse, he certainly reforms by the end of A Tale of Two Cities, and he is a fantastic example of Dickens' intelligence. 

1. Sandy Arbuthnot, Lord Clanroyden (John Buchan)

You have never heard of him? How could you not have? Actually, I am not at all surprised. Still, Sandy Arbuthnot is one of the most amazing heroes in my acquaintance. I didn't even know any heroes until I met him in Greenmantle. Somehow, his charisma, his down-to-earth Britishness, his eccentric disguises, his amazing intelligence, and his thoroughly human failings form one of the greatest heroes of all time. 

Just for Fun: How to Be a Hero or Heroine

We all want to save the day; here is a list of tried-and-true guidelines and ten practical steps to being that hero or heroine you dream about. Disclaimer: the author is not responsible for any injuries which might result from over-ambition on the part of the reader. 

Guidelines:

• Never doubt the chap with the great lines, even if they're lines only the villain gets.

• Always sit with your back to the window and Never pull the curtain.

• Flaunt the important Document or secret Item where anyone can see

• Girls, always let the villain hold your hand when you're lying.

• Always walk down the dark alley at nighttime, Alone and Unsuspecting.

• Always let the villain know that you know what he wants to know.

• Never trust people who try to warn you; certainly don't listen to them.

• Never kill Unnecessarily

• If the bad guy yields, don't suspect him of trying any tricks.

• Drink anything you are given and talk all you want.

• Men, always trust the beautiful vamp.

• Be Sullen and Sulky when the villain is questioning you.

The Steps:

10. Dress Up

Make yourself a signature -- for Tintin, it's a quiff and plus fours, for Indiana Jones, it's a slouchy hat. Make a statement, and wear something that will eliminate all doubts as to your identity. You could go in for the Zorro thing -- or maybe you prefer to always wear neon blue. 

Note on shoes: Wear something you can run in -- for gentlemen, something sturdy like jackboots; for girls, pumps are all right if you practice in them first and have strong ankles, but some type of boot would be as stylish and safer. 

9. Inform Your Trusty Sidekick

First, of course, you have to find one, and that is not always easy. It could be your valet, your best friend, the policeman on the corner, or the villain's spy -- but you ought to have one. If you don't want to take him or her with you on your mission, you must at least do your duty in telling him where you'll be and outlining your plan (all the better if he is a traitor).  Don't forget to start, 'This sounds crazy, but I have a plan . . .'

8. Have Your Weapon and Know It

This is essential. If it is a broadsword, be sure it is sharpened and clean. If it is a bow, make sure your arrows are straight. If it is a tear-gas-grenade, know how long you have to run away. If it is a hypodermic syringe, know just what's in it.

Note on Revolvers, Semi-Autos, and other Handguns: The optimal choice, but YOU MUST KNOW HOW MANY BULLETS YOU HAVE. You never know when you'll want one (or not -- if, for instance, you lend the gun to the villain to hold you up with.)

7. Rehearse Your Stunt Moves and Escape Methods

These, of course, could be taken from your favourite film, or anywhere, for that matter. Please don't hurt yourself. Also, remember that villains sometimes know jujitsu. If you are a martial artist, all the better. 

Note on Escape Methods:

The old standbys are jumping out of windows, switching off lights, and being rescued by the sidekick. Now you know why you had one in the first place.

6. Choose Your Method of Conveyance

You can have fun with this -- please, by all means. Motorcycle, Lamborghini, helicopter, pterodactyl, water-skis; your call. Do remember that the villain may instigate a chase -- in this case, a speedy vehicle would be your best wager. However, if he takes off in a private jet, you'll have to use your brains rather than your Bentley.

5. Gather Your Gear 

You may need nothing more than an electric torch -- or you may need rations, radios, code books, TNT, detonators, ice picks, camouflage, anti-tank shells, all-terrain vehicles, minesweepers, parachute, and a hardbound copy of How to Survive in the Jungle. If your last name is Bond or you have an intimate friend who wears goggles, gloves, and a white coat generally, you need to be extra certain you have everything you need before you set out. You wouldn't want to be stuck in a jellyfish-tank without your corrosive acne-cream, would you?

4. Review Your Arsenal of Witty Banter

One of my personal favourites, you must be sure to prepare and memorise a list of good pointed remarks and touchés for that moment when you and the villain  face off. If you can keep it all in your head, bravo and be my guest. Just be sure you know what you're going to say when the villain chuckles 'So we meet again.' 

If you are short on time, or if you are the dark, taciturn sort (for whom I am willing to make many exceptions), you may just want to think up a signature one-liner for yourself. 'Go ahead. Make my day' is a good start. Practice it with all the voice, too. Delivery is 95% of a good line.

3. Know Your Enemy's Weakness and Hold Your Trump Card

If you want to win, you must know your enemy's weakness. That's all there is to it -- and if you want to have fun, save your trump card for the last minute. Forgetting it is always a good touch -- just be sure you remember before the villain squeezes the trigger.

2. Calm Your Nerves

There aren't very many successful, hysterical heroes or heroines. Most of them have one thing in common -- stolidity in the face of danger. Be sure that you have a straight face and that your arm isn't shaking when you set out to save the day. You could steady yourself in any manner of ways -- will-power is the best. 

1. Turn Off Your Mobile Phone

There's lots of world out there -- and anyone could be tracking you. (Are you scared? You should be.) If it isn't the villain, it will be your Trusty Sidekick, or your Irascible Aunt, or your Royal Bodyguards. Just turn it off. You can do this on your own.

So what are you waiting for? Get out there and save the world. Somebody is always threatening world peace. You know how -- stop him!

The Em Dash

They say — those that have anything to say at all — that it is overused. I agree — in a way — but then — as any real writer knows — it is such a dashed comfortable habit. Once you’ve gotten into it, it isn’t easy to get out — you’re stuck for good. I have used them for as long as I can remember — though what book or set of books or magazine article or internet source got me going on them I will never recall. There are people who never use them — I am sure — and it is only when I take a good step back and look at my work from a very impersonal, schizophrenic viewpoint that I realise — very fully — just how much I use them.
Of course my liberality in the preceding paragraph was a gross exaggeration. But when I hit ‘find-replace’ on one of my documents (a 3,000-word section of an 80,000-word work in progress) and am told thusly;

‘ — ‘  1 of 82

I do find myself feeling a bit sheepish, especially since an em dash cannot be used as anything but an em dash. No, 82 em dashes, and that is that. Still, it could be worse. I have made attempts to rectify the problem, and I have also made attempts to say that it isn’t a problem at all. If a certain author once decided that Capital Letters were entirely Useless, and therefore decided to spell Everything Without Them, this would be called Style. Should not we who use the em dash like a period ( or worse, like quotation marks, for there are often two on either side of the text) be allotted such distinction likewise?
The em dash’s primary usage is that of parenthetical insert, or a break of thought.
From the above-mentioned work, young adult novel Liergy, comes this line:

‘He having done what they wanted — turned the nation into a communist State — they wanted Zurigovia for their own.’

However, those of us who practice their use professionally know that there is a far greater scope to their utility. For example, that of a non-verbal conjunction (the one I use most often) as seen below:

‘He had held his own against enemies from all over — the Soviets, the Nazis, the former government, and even members of his own party who were too ambitious.’

It can also be used for aposiopesis (a sudden break at the end of a sentence):

‘No, no, I couldn’t—’

The American style guides suggest that an em dash should not be surrounded by spaces. This, I disagree with, for no other reason than that, aesthetically, such a formatting technique—done just so—looks as if one had strung together the words like hooks on a line. One exception in my book is aposiopesis, when it looks better to have no space before the dash.

When all is said and done, I don’t think I ever shall get over the beloved dash. I am told that it is used more in Russian than English — this is a result of the difference in grammar — but I may just skew the average.

What is the proper term for the exercise of this mania? Syncopation. If it isn’t in use yet, it should be.